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5 reasons Why You Lack True Community



A group of girls cheering boba tea

Honestly, life was never meant to be a solitary journey.

We faced a loneliness epidemic, and that, indeed, was the true pandemic of 2020.


Most of us found ourselves confined to our homes, yearning for human connection. As I traverse the landscape of life, engaging with diverse individuals, a stark truth emerges—many of us lack the skills to nurture genuine relationships and meaningful interactions. Our blind spots remain unexplored, and the introspective grace needed for self-awareness eludes us. Some are simply unfriendly, viewing community solely as a means to self-exaltation. Essentially, connections are forged either out of necessity or for personal gain.

The harsh reality is that we attract what and who we are and most lack true community.


Throughout the entirety of 2024 (yes, a bit of humor there), my blog has delved into the intricacies of relationships because, societally, we seem to be getting it wrong. While we applaud Eastern communal culture, there's an undercurrent of toxicity and a suppression of truth. Conversely, in condemning Western culture, we encounter blatant selfishness and self-service at the expense of others.

Globally, we must strive for better.

More is not better.

Less is not better.

Better is defined by quality and purpose.

Here are 5 reasons why you may lack genuine community:

  1. You're a Gossip: Insecurity, silent competition, jealousy, and envy—these are all red flags of a gossip. Gossips are perilous because, by nature, they sabotage. Their intentional and unintentional actions disrupt the lives of everyone connected to them. A community of gossips is no better than a coven of witches, casting spells with cruel language to thwart everything intended for mutual benefit.

  2. You're a User: Usery is akin to gossip. Users constantly seek what's in it for them, creating imbalanced relationships for their benefit. Drawn to codependency, they feed their ego and maintain a false sense of power over those they exploit. Authenticity eludes users, for they attract people who function similarly.

  3. You're Immature: Immaturity may seem inconsequential until you're 50 without genuine, deep relationships. One can be old and immature, as many are. Immaturity hinders quick forgiveness and mercy, yoking you with others equally immature. As those around you mature, they lose interest in the games of the immature.

  4. You're Not Friendly: To be friendly means acting as a friend before the official title. Maybe you're not a gossip, user, or immature, but if you're not demonstrating the potential to be a true friend, you're missing a vital component. Friendship, like all relationships, requires risk. If you fear rejection, it's hard to portray yourself as friendly.

  5. You're Inconsistent: Community demands consistency. In a generation led by feelings, we engage when it suits us. If you're consistently busy and lonely, it's because of your inconsistency. We make time for what matters. If you haven't made time for it, it doesn't matter to you. Without a consistent cadence of calls, texts, follow-ups, or meet-ups, you miss out on genuine community.


The purpose of this post is to inspire introspection, demand accountability, and beckon us to a higher self.

As people, we need each other.

I urge each of you to find your tribe, your community. Yet, it always begins with the personal work.


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What's New

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